A municipal judge in Auburn looked out on a group of seventy or so unclad students, of both sexes. Shaking his head, he said "Will somebody tell me what's going on here?"
One of the youngsters spoke up:
"It was our fall bash for our frat, and things were going kind of slow. Finally the lead singer of the band we hired spoke up and said "OK, everybody, let's get drunk." So we all got drunk. Then he spoke up again and said "Hey, every body, let's dance" so we all started dancing. Then he said "Let's everybody get naked", and we all got naked."
"I see", said the judge. "Then what happened?"
""The singer said, "Alright, everybody, let's go to town." And here we are."
Two Auburn Engineering students were tasked to measure the height of a flag pole as a class assignment. They decided to measure the flag pole outside of Legion Field at the south end of the stadium.
While attempting this task one student would hold the tape while the other climbed the flag pole with the other end of the tape. Much to their disappointment the student climbing the pole kept sliding down and could not get to the top.
An astute Alabama graduate was observing from a distance and suggested that the Auburn students disconnect the flag pole and measure the pole while on the ground.
The Auburn students enraged by the suggestion yelled out " We want to know how tall it is not how long it is you idiot".
There were three people being executed via electric chair for committing a serious crime. One was an Alabama graduate, one a Vanderbilt graduate, and the other, an Auburn graduate.
They were told that if they could survive, they could go free.
The Alabama guy sat in the electric chair, and the executioner asked, "Do you have any last words?" The Alabama guy said, "Yeah. Roll Tide!". The executioner pushed the button, but the Alabama guy survived so he got to go free.
The Vanderbilt guy sat in the electric chair, and the executioner asked him if he had any last words. He said, "Yeah. Go Vandy!" The executioner pushed the button, but the Vanderbilt guy survived so he got to go free.
The Auburn guy now went to the electric chair, and again the executioner asked, "Do you have any last words?" The Auburn guy said, "Yeah. Your electric chair is unplugged."
Coach Malzahn decided the tigers weren’t tough enough to beat Alabama. He told his coaches he had a plan to make the players tougher. He borrowed a three foot long alligator from the awbarn zoo, put him in a box, shut the lid and carried him to the field house.
The next day when the team met, he told them that they needed to be tougher or they’d never beat Alabama. He said “as head coach, I’m gonna set the example and then expect each coach and player to follow my example. I’m gonna show all of you how to be a tougher man.” He walked to the table where he had set the box, let his pants fall to the floor, dropped his boxers, opened the box, pulled the gator out and held the gator right in front of his manhood.
The gator immediately clamped his jaws shut on the small appendage and Malzahn groaned in pain. He said through clenched teeth, “guys, this is very painful but it’ll make all of us tougher men.”
After a couple of minutes, he had stood as much as he could. Using his finger, he jabbed the gator in the eye, which caused the gator to open his mouth. Malzahn quickly put the gator back in the box and shut the lid. Leaning on the table with his manhood still hanging, he said,” guys that was rough, one of the most painful things I’ve ever done but it’ll help me be a tougher man. Now who’s next?”
No one moved. He said, “c’mon guys, all of you need to do this, who’s gonna be first?” No one responded. He looked around the room and said, “Nick, you’re the closes thing we’ve got to a man on this team, be a leader and be first.”
Nick Marshall slowly got out of his seat, walked to where Coach Malzahn was standing, dropped down in front of him, looked up at his coach and said,” ok coach, but please just tell me when to open my mouth back up. Don’t jab me in the eye. Please.”
A little boy and his mom were walking through a cemetery one day when they came upon a headstone that read, "Here lies a Auburn graduate and an honest man." The litle boy asked, Mommy, why did they bury two people in there?"
Five Auburn players were at a campus bar partying. They were hooting and hollering when a bartender asked them why they were celebrating. Without missing a beat, the smarter one of the two said proudly, "we just finished a jigsaw puzzle and it only took two years." "Two years!" screamed the bartender. The smarter one replied, "Yeah, but the box said four to six years."