| LIFE Anger Management.

TerryP

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So, I’ve struggled with anger issues over the years, but not too recently I found a very constructive and amazing way to cope with it. Bear with me, this will be long winded, but I promise that it won’t be a waste of your time to read about my experience with anger management.

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know, but that you know deserves it...

I was sitting in my work truck one day when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make.
I found the number and dialed it...

A man answered, saying “Hello.”
I politely said, “This is Aaron. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?”

Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear “Get the right f***ing number!” The phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.
After hanging up with her, I decided to call the “wrong”number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled “You’re an asshole!,” and hung up.
I wrote his number down with the word “asshole” next to it, and put it in my lunch box.
Every couple of weeks when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, “You’re an asshole!” It always cheered me up.

With Caller ID being more prevalent I thought my therapeutic “asshole” calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, “ Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?” He yelled “NO!,” and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, “That’s because you're an asshole!” and hung up.

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a 'For Sale' sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.
A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his number on speed dial) I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too.

I said, “ Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?”

He said, “Yes, it is.”
I then asked, “ Can you tell me where I can see it?”

He said, “Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd in Fairfax. It's a yellow ranch-style house and the car is parked right out in front.”

I asked, “What’s your name?”

He said, “My name is Don Hansen.”

I asked, “When’s a good time to catch you, Don?”

He said, “I’m home every evening after five.”

I said, “Listen, Don, can I tell you something?”
He said, “Yes.”

I said, “Don, you're an asshole!” Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.

Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call. Then, I came up with an idea...

I called asshole #1.

He said, “Hello.”

I said, “You’re an asshole!” (But I didn't hang up.)

He asked, “Are you still there?!?!?”

I said, “Yeah!”

He screamed, “STOP CALLING ME!!!”

I said, “Make Me.”

He asked, “Who are you?”

I said, “My name is Don Hansen.”

He said, “Yeah? Where do you live?”

I said, “Asshole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd in Fairfax, in a yellow ranch style home, and I have a black Beamer parked in front.”

He said, “I’m coming over right now Don, and you had better start saying your prayers!”

I said, “Ok Boomer, like I'm really scared, asshole,” and hung up.

I then called Asshole #2...

He said, “Hello?”
I said, “Hello Asshole!”

He yelled, “IF I EVER FIND OUT WHO YOU ARE...”

I said, “You’ll what?”

He exclaimed, “I’LL KICK YOUR ASS!”

I answered, “Ok Boomer, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now you ASSHOLE!”

I then hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I was on my way over to 34 Oaktree Blvd in Fairfax to kill my gay lover.
Then, I called Channel 19 News about the gang war going down on Oaktree Blvd in Fairfax . I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax .

I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter, and surrounded by a news crew.

NOW I feel much better. Anger management really does work!
 

sk33tr

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i've read that before....and i realized what it was by the third sentence. still a good laugh, though. it could almost be made into a mini-movie.
 

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